FREAKING FREE KICK!

Football is a beautiful game.

This is not that game.

FREAKING FREE KICK! is a ridiculous free-kick game where the basic idea is simple: aim, give the ball a proper welly, then bend it around the wall after you've kicked it.

Unfortunately, the wall may contain a bloke wearing a saucepan.

And the goalkeeper might be an octopus.

Or a giant baby.

So good luck with that.

⚽ Bend it like an irresponsible adult

Pick your angle, release the shot, then swipe left or right to pour on the CURVE JUICE and make the ball change direction in mid-flight.

Sneak it around the wall. Loop it over their heads. Bend it late enough to fool the keeper. Smash it in off the post and claim you meant it.

The game actively rewards nonsense such as:

Outrageous bend
Shaving the wall by millimetres
Feeble little goals
First-time finishes
Scoring off the woodwork
Smashing it into the postage stamp

🧱 Fifteen increasingly stupid levels

Things start reasonably normally.

This does not last.

You will encounter:

Saucepan Steve Big Kev & The Smalls Sir Reginald Pigeon Trouble Breaking News Rubber Duck FC Gale Force Gary Important Phone Call …and eventually Absolute Nonsense.

Expect defenders equipped with saucepans, newspapers, rubber ducks, cardboard, medieval armour and phones.

There is technically still some football happening.

🧤 Meet the goalkeepers

Your opponents include:

Barry, 14
The Show-Off
The Coward
The Psychic
The Sleepy Keeper
The Octopus
The Giant Baby

Some dive.

Some duck.

Some fall asleep.

One apparently knows what you're going to do before you do.

Very sporting.

🌙 Completely sensible match conditions

Certain levels may also introduce:

Moon gravity
Gale-force wind
A ball that keeps getting bigger
A ball that becomes embarrassingly small
A ball made of trampoline
A goal that wanders away
A pigeon on the pitch

All completely within the laws of the game.*

*Probably.

🦆 Unlock deeply unnecessary balls

Spend your hard-earned Nonsense Points on new ball skins, including:

⚽ Ball 🍉 Melon 🦆 Duck 👁️ Eyeball 🪩 Disco 🧀 Cheese 🍝 Meatball 🪐 Planet

Because if you're going to humiliate a goalkeeper, you may as well do it with a flying meatball.

🐴 The pitch is full of things you definitely shouldn't hit

There are achievements for accidentally—or very deliberately—smashing the ball into things such as:

The dog
The club donkey mascot
The hot dog cart
The referee
The scoreboard
The TV camera
Water bottles
The corner flag
A lawn mower
A blimp
A pigeon
The commentary booth
A portable toilet

Yes, the portable toilet is occupied.

Please try not to think about it.

🏆 More nonsense

Alongside the main 15-level campaign, there's also:

Endless Shootout — keep going until football says no.

Daily Challenge — five shots, same challenge for everyone that day.

Achievements — including Mustard Everywhere, Eight Arms, No Hands, Certified Donkey and Nonsense Millionaire.

Ranks — rise from humble Sunday League beginnings all the way to Certified Donkey Legend.

Can you bend it around the wall, fool the keeper and avoid destroying a hot dog cart?

Probably not.

But it'll be funny when you try.